im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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