Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
