So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
