i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
