Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
