After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
