And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
