2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
