the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
