I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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