We won't sleep together?
honey bunches of taint.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
