did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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