Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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