I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
