Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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