Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
