I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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