i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
