the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Randomize
