Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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