we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
