go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Randomize
