This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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