I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
