well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
