Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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