Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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