Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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