If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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