I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
