OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
