Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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