I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
