i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
