Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
It's shark week go big or go home
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
