New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
vagina is talking i cant
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Less talking, more tequila
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
