Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
is that a dick in a sweater?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
