i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
