Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
