Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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