I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
