I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
