Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
