we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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