So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
