Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
