Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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