I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
