walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
