I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Randomize
