I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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