Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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