I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
