dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
